Sunday, July 29, 2007
too young to die
Well..tonight at 6am i'm leaving..:(
i thought i really wanted to go but i don't.I find out now,a little "too late" a little "too early" that i've been wrong about many things.It's just like when you are expecting to drink a glass and then the taste amazes you in such way that you just have to drink one more.It's like when it's snowing for three days in a row and you think to yourself"God when will it stop?"and then when it begins to melt you actually wish it would snow some more.It's not that you want it to snow to skip school or to have an excuse to eat more chocolate.You just want it to snow because you love the way the snow feels when it's melting on your tongue or the way it makes your fingers go numb and makes you giggle and dance like you are in a fairytale.
You realise that the snow is not enough because when it melts you are not really sad but just a little miserable.It's like there is this little void inside your heart somewhere,everytime you look out the window only to find the sun staring at you and not the coolest view of white streets.
That is where Kate had it wrong.It's not about wanting sun and then snow and then sun all over again.Sometimes it's about wanting a little more snow than you can have.And when you can't have it,instead of going out for a walk in the sun,admiting you don't like to walk i the sun and staying inside to read about snowing places.
Well i know you are not actually following here.
Anyway tomorrow i'm heading off to Pelio.
I don't want to go as much as i thought i'd be wanting to go.i don't know.honestly
Now then ..a very dear friend of mine made me answer the following question:If you had to pick five songs in the right order to form your autobiography to be played at your funeral which would they be?
So i've been thinking a lot about it and they are the following:
i)Killer queen-Queen
ii)Alana Grace-black roses red
iii)Vienna-Billy Joel
iv)Love of my life-Queen
v)too old to rock n roll too young to die-Jethro Tull
IN THIS EXACT ORDER.
So when i come to think of it.It's all about Queen.I mean i've been listening to these guys ever since i was 6 years old in the car with my mom.They have been her favourite band forever.I remember singing in perfect tune "You are my best friend"before i even got to know any greek music at all.But the song that plays a major role in my life has been one which controls me in a most inevitable way.I first sung it in the car going back from my ballet classes a day that my mom was really down about something.It was her favourite song in the world.It had taken that title when her best friend Dimitris had disappeared.It affected her in a way i'll never really get to know.So there i was seven or eight or so sitting in the car and singing it to cheer her up.It's like those little mother and daughter things like a special handshake or cooking.For several years after that i sung it with my mom.And then i sung it with my best friend who ended up loving it.And then a few days ago there it was again for me.And you might not really get how big a role a simple song may play in someone's life.But for me that song was about learning to love singing ,my friends,my family,GOOD music.It's called love of my life.Sung in the most heart-breaking way by Freddie Mercury of Queen.
Anyway i don't know why i'm writting so much about a song.It's silly.
Maybe i wouldn't even play in my funeral anything but love of my life.
Well maybe too young to die as well
You are NEVER TOO OLD TO LIVE.NEVER EVER.
There are like so many things a single person can do in his life to make others happy as well as himself that the idea of commiting suicide sounds as selfish as stupid.
When you are down play a happy tune
or when you can't go to bed sing yourself to sleep
Or even when people bring you down teel them,let them know
It's not in surviving as long as we can
But living it to our very edges.
Even Over the edge.
I don't really know what's gotten into me.
It's like Thanulis and i once said"It's like this huge mathematical problem.You have so many facts but you are just not gettng anywhere.But if you really want to reach an end you just have to keep summing and stuff until the very end.This way you can convince yourself there is a solution.And if you do so,you are a happy mathematician.If you don't you are just some guy covering for another.A better one.Unless you keep solving you are just a substitute"I know some people besides Thanos and me who will actually get this.
Outlive yourself
Don't let anything other than you,outlive you.
everyone's Too young to die.
Bye now guys,
I''m leaving for Pelio in a few hours.
Wish you well.
(Miss me f###s:P)
ps.this blog is turning into something more like a diary.damn.
ps2.if the half of greece is not already burned to the ground before the time i'm back i shall be called Asterw instead of natalie
ps3.same applies in the case of which jimmy has not been called another 234 times that he resembles Kurt Cobain:P
i thought i really wanted to go but i don't.I find out now,a little "too late" a little "too early" that i've been wrong about many things.It's just like when you are expecting to drink a glass and then the taste amazes you in such way that you just have to drink one more.It's like when it's snowing for three days in a row and you think to yourself"God when will it stop?"and then when it begins to melt you actually wish it would snow some more.It's not that you want it to snow to skip school or to have an excuse to eat more chocolate.You just want it to snow because you love the way the snow feels when it's melting on your tongue or the way it makes your fingers go numb and makes you giggle and dance like you are in a fairytale.
You realise that the snow is not enough because when it melts you are not really sad but just a little miserable.It's like there is this little void inside your heart somewhere,everytime you look out the window only to find the sun staring at you and not the coolest view of white streets.
That is where Kate had it wrong.It's not about wanting sun and then snow and then sun all over again.Sometimes it's about wanting a little more snow than you can have.And when you can't have it,instead of going out for a walk in the sun,admiting you don't like to walk i the sun and staying inside to read about snowing places.
Well i know you are not actually following here.
Anyway tomorrow i'm heading off to Pelio.
I don't want to go as much as i thought i'd be wanting to go.i don't know.honestly
Now then ..a very dear friend of mine made me answer the following question:If you had to pick five songs in the right order to form your autobiography to be played at your funeral which would they be?
So i've been thinking a lot about it and they are the following:
i)Killer queen-Queen
ii)Alana Grace-black roses red
iii)Vienna-Billy Joel
iv)Love of my life-Queen
v)too old to rock n roll too young to die-Jethro Tull
IN THIS EXACT ORDER.
So when i come to think of it.It's all about Queen.I mean i've been listening to these guys ever since i was 6 years old in the car with my mom.They have been her favourite band forever.I remember singing in perfect tune "You are my best friend"before i even got to know any greek music at all.But the song that plays a major role in my life has been one which controls me in a most inevitable way.I first sung it in the car going back from my ballet classes a day that my mom was really down about something.It was her favourite song in the world.It had taken that title when her best friend Dimitris had disappeared.It affected her in a way i'll never really get to know.So there i was seven or eight or so sitting in the car and singing it to cheer her up.It's like those little mother and daughter things like a special handshake or cooking.For several years after that i sung it with my mom.And then i sung it with my best friend who ended up loving it.And then a few days ago there it was again for me.And you might not really get how big a role a simple song may play in someone's life.But for me that song was about learning to love singing ,my friends,my family,GOOD music.It's called love of my life.Sung in the most heart-breaking way by Freddie Mercury of Queen.
Anyway i don't know why i'm writting so much about a song.It's silly.
Maybe i wouldn't even play in my funeral anything but love of my life.
Well maybe too young to die as well
You are NEVER TOO OLD TO LIVE.NEVER EVER.
There are like so many things a single person can do in his life to make others happy as well as himself that the idea of commiting suicide sounds as selfish as stupid.
When you are down play a happy tune
or when you can't go to bed sing yourself to sleep
Or even when people bring you down teel them,let them know
It's not in surviving as long as we can
But living it to our very edges.
Even Over the edge.
I don't really know what's gotten into me.
It's like Thanulis and i once said"It's like this huge mathematical problem.You have so many facts but you are just not gettng anywhere.But if you really want to reach an end you just have to keep summing and stuff until the very end.This way you can convince yourself there is a solution.And if you do so,you are a happy mathematician.If you don't you are just some guy covering for another.A better one.Unless you keep solving you are just a substitute"I know some people besides Thanos and me who will actually get this.
Outlive yourself
Don't let anything other than you,outlive you.
everyone's Too young to die.
Bye now guys,
I''m leaving for Pelio in a few hours.
Wish you well.
(Miss me f###s:P)
ps.this blog is turning into something more like a diary.damn.
ps2.if the half of greece is not already burned to the ground before the time i'm back i shall be called Asterw instead of natalie
ps3.same applies in the case of which jimmy has not been called another 234 times that he resembles Kurt Cobain:P
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Oh baby i love your way...everyday
"Oh baby i love your way,everyday
i wanna tell you i love your way
i wanna be with you night and day..
baby i love your way."
It's 11:50 my head aches like hell and i'm not in a mood to do anything in perticular.Today i slept from 1:30 to 6 in the afternoon.I don't know what has gotten into me.I'm listening to Trypec and Peter Frampton.Seriously.Something just has gotta be wrong with me.
You know when i woke up at six it was so warm i had to take a bath.The damn moment i stepped in that bathtub i started thinkning of the most unbelievable things.I remembered going to Syros i remembered having a fight with most of my friends i remembered a bounch of assholes i dated.I was like..why did i do that to myself?I mean i'm not like this.And seriously i have no idea how i ended up where i am.Not that there is some problem with where i am it's just ...it's SO not me.I don't know the only moments i get to actually act or feel like myself is when i'm talking to people like Jimmy or Spy.
They say people change when they are not satisfied by the way things are for them.But what exactly did i not like about myself?I mean why do we have to go change both good and bad things about us?Or why will we let our relationship turn us into people who can't watch a movie or a song without crying or who can't move on to someplace new?I just want to feel new and old at the same time.I just want to be me again but in a whole different way.I can't see what else i should do at this point.
It's like when you are letting certain things that happened to you interfear with your very own future.Actions of a man or not all men's actions.Learing to trust people is the only way to let them into you.And i'm not talking just about dating here.Same goes for family,friends etc.I mean hell no you just can't pretend to your family as well.
And i have to admit a few things here.I thought my mom would be happier and healthier if i pretended i was Ok with granps dying.Well i'm not.I'm really sick of trying to remember his voice or the way he smelled.And you know its' not easy spending a whole year at someone's side to make him feel better and then him leaving you.
And that other thing about pretending i was Ok with breaking up and then dating a bouch of assholes well it's not ok.You know people sometimes need to have someone to hold their hand when they are down.And people actually TALK i mean who does that?It's not all about kissing.I mean kissing is the most beautiful thing but there has to be more than that.
Anyway i'm also tired of fake friendships and my pretending i'm fine and happy with participating in useless time consuming conversations which never end up anywhere.And i'm so sick of sicking at an edge of a table saying stupid jokes at leats to ahev a laugh with people who have NOTHING to contribute.
I'm not saying i'm better.But i could have tried to be,had i not followed the desires of other people two years in a row now.
RIGHT NOW i'm not really happy with anything.I'm not happy with people at school.I'm not happy when i go out,i'm just having fun.I'm not having a nice time at home and i'm not even happy spending time with myself.There are just these moments that are so damn precious when i feel like me like new like old like sticking around.There are two or three people who can actually do that.
I guess i'll be holding on to these moments.It's like when you are really down and your best friend knocks on your door and takes you for an ice cream or when you are dancing under the moonlight or when you are standing on the rocks by the sea for hours with someone special observing the sun set in the sea.
It finally comes to me right now.
There are not many different types of love.There is no friendship love or family love or whatever.There is just one.And it's when you actually want to spend time with another person while at the same time don't feel like you are spending time but FREEZING time.When you love there is no such thing as time.And it's also when you can't get enough of what the other person is saying because it sounds (each and every word)so right.But at the same time you want to stay away from that person because you are scared of something filling you in such ways.It's the difference between i love and i'm in love.There is NO i'm in love.I'm in love shouldn't really exist.It's "i like you".I love means i am willing to give everything for another person to be happy.And if his being happy means making myself sad i'm also willing to do that.That's what it's all about.
SO..
Today.And not just for today my song is "Baby I Love Your Way".Because you've got to love someone's way,everyday.Exactly how they are.The importance lies in being yourself and sticking to your own opinion and that of the people who you love and trust.
"i can see the sunset in your eyes
brown and grey and blue besides
clouds are stalking islands in the sun
wish i could buy one out of season
But don't hesitate..."
i wanna tell you i love your way
i wanna be with you night and day..
baby i love your way."
It's 11:50 my head aches like hell and i'm not in a mood to do anything in perticular.Today i slept from 1:30 to 6 in the afternoon.I don't know what has gotten into me.I'm listening to Trypec and Peter Frampton.Seriously.Something just has gotta be wrong with me.
You know when i woke up at six it was so warm i had to take a bath.The damn moment i stepped in that bathtub i started thinkning of the most unbelievable things.I remembered going to Syros i remembered having a fight with most of my friends i remembered a bounch of assholes i dated.I was like..why did i do that to myself?I mean i'm not like this.And seriously i have no idea how i ended up where i am.Not that there is some problem with where i am it's just ...it's SO not me.I don't know the only moments i get to actually act or feel like myself is when i'm talking to people like Jimmy or Spy.
They say people change when they are not satisfied by the way things are for them.But what exactly did i not like about myself?I mean why do we have to go change both good and bad things about us?Or why will we let our relationship turn us into people who can't watch a movie or a song without crying or who can't move on to someplace new?I just want to feel new and old at the same time.I just want to be me again but in a whole different way.I can't see what else i should do at this point.
It's like when you are letting certain things that happened to you interfear with your very own future.Actions of a man or not all men's actions.Learing to trust people is the only way to let them into you.And i'm not talking just about dating here.Same goes for family,friends etc.I mean hell no you just can't pretend to your family as well.
And i have to admit a few things here.I thought my mom would be happier and healthier if i pretended i was Ok with granps dying.Well i'm not.I'm really sick of trying to remember his voice or the way he smelled.And you know its' not easy spending a whole year at someone's side to make him feel better and then him leaving you.
And that other thing about pretending i was Ok with breaking up and then dating a bouch of assholes well it's not ok.You know people sometimes need to have someone to hold their hand when they are down.And people actually TALK i mean who does that?It's not all about kissing.I mean kissing is the most beautiful thing but there has to be more than that.
Anyway i'm also tired of fake friendships and my pretending i'm fine and happy with participating in useless time consuming conversations which never end up anywhere.And i'm so sick of sicking at an edge of a table saying stupid jokes at leats to ahev a laugh with people who have NOTHING to contribute.
I'm not saying i'm better.But i could have tried to be,had i not followed the desires of other people two years in a row now.
RIGHT NOW i'm not really happy with anything.I'm not happy with people at school.I'm not happy when i go out,i'm just having fun.I'm not having a nice time at home and i'm not even happy spending time with myself.There are just these moments that are so damn precious when i feel like me like new like old like sticking around.There are two or three people who can actually do that.
I guess i'll be holding on to these moments.It's like when you are really down and your best friend knocks on your door and takes you for an ice cream or when you are dancing under the moonlight or when you are standing on the rocks by the sea for hours with someone special observing the sun set in the sea.
It finally comes to me right now.
There are not many different types of love.There is no friendship love or family love or whatever.There is just one.And it's when you actually want to spend time with another person while at the same time don't feel like you are spending time but FREEZING time.When you love there is no such thing as time.And it's also when you can't get enough of what the other person is saying because it sounds (each and every word)so right.But at the same time you want to stay away from that person because you are scared of something filling you in such ways.It's the difference between i love and i'm in love.There is NO i'm in love.I'm in love shouldn't really exist.It's "i like you".I love means i am willing to give everything for another person to be happy.And if his being happy means making myself sad i'm also willing to do that.That's what it's all about.
SO..
Today.And not just for today my song is "Baby I Love Your Way".Because you've got to love someone's way,everyday.Exactly how they are.The importance lies in being yourself and sticking to your own opinion and that of the people who you love and trust.
"i can see the sunset in your eyes
brown and grey and blue besides
clouds are stalking islands in the sun
wish i could buy one out of season
But don't hesitate..."
Ξέχνα το...σαν να ταν ψεμα
τα όνειρα που μ'έφεραν εδώ
τρώνε τη σάρκα μου
και με πετάν σε δρόμους εχθρικούς και άγνωστους,
λιμάνια παρακμιακά
Και τώρα πάλι ελπίζω
σε καινούριες περιπέτειες,
και το πλοίο μου-τ'ορκίζομαι θα φύγει
και ας μην αφήνει ποτέ το λιμάνι.
Σε όσα γλυκά με παρασύρουν
εγω αφήνομαι
Και ίσως κάποτε τα δάκρυά μου
να γεμίσουν τα μάτια τα δικά σου
και η εννοια του φιλιού δεν θα είναι τότε η ίδια
Από το όνειρο δεν θα ξυπνήσω πάλι
και ας πνίγομαι σε μια πικρή αυτοπάτη.
Καίω τα δικά μου σύνορα
τα όρια μου με την πραγματικότητα την εχθρική.
Αψηφά τον εαυτό μου
το συναίσθημα αυτό και αν
το αφήσω λίγο ακόμη ίσως να με μεταλλάξει σε κάτι
πιο όμορφο,
αυτόνομο μέσα στην εξάρτησή του.
Γιατί πάλι η φωνή μου γεμίζει χαράδρες;
και όσα χάνω γιατι πάλι στις γωνίες του μυαλού μου παραμονεύουν;
Ποια σταγόνα να καθαρίσει τις πληγές μου;
Το οινόπνευμα δεν είναι η αφορμή,
μα το αιτιατό.
Ποια πόλη να με χωρέσει τωρα;
το άγγιγμα μικρό κενο και με ποναει.
μα δεν έχει σημασία,
ξέχνα το.
Ξέχνα το,σαν να 'ταν ψέμα.
Οι ελπίδες που με οδήγησαν εδώ
θα με τραβήξουν και μακρυά απο εσένα.
Βρίσκω με έκπληξη πως ο γκρεμός
δείχνει φιλικότερος και από θάνατο.
ενώ πικρη γεύση έχεΙ το φιλί της αλήθειας σου
και να σταματήσω να πίνω,δεν μπορώ.
Βγες από τις σκέψεις μου
δεν σε χωρουν
δεν σε αντέχουν
Ή όταν με δείς άγρια το πάτωμα να φιλάω
την πτώση μου άφησε να σε τρομάξει
Ίσως τότε να είσαι το γλυκότερο,
δηλητηριασμένο μου αίμα.
Καίγομαι μαζί με τισ παραισθήσεις μου
και όταν όλα θολώνουν από τον πόνο και τον καπνό
Τότε το μόνο που μένει είναι ο παλμός που ένα
αλλο,ξένο σωμα μου δίνει.
Γιατί πάλι η κραυγή μου με πνίγει;
Και στο προσώπικο μου χώρο,
ποιος άγνωστος καραμέλες μοιράζει;
Ποίο είδωλο ραγίζει τον καθρέφτη μου;
Ενα άλλο πλάσμα αυτόνομο αναπτύσεται μέσα μου
και αν δεν το δημιουργησα εγώ ποιός το κάνει;
Μέσα στα ρούχα μου το σώμα φαντάζει πιο γυμνό
Και τώρα εσυ μεσα μου επιθυμώ να χαθείς
Μα δνε χρειάζεται,
ξέχνα το.
Ξέχνα το,σαν να 'ταν ψέμα.
Στο μπαλκόνι μου το βράδυ όταν βγώ
αν τα χέρια μου απλώσω
πετάξω και χαθώ
ή αν φωνάξω της καρδιάς μου το μεγαλύτερο ψέγμα,
εσένα, τότε τι;
Μα δεν έχει σημασία,
ξέχνα το.
Ξέχνα με,αν σε πονάω,
σαν να 'μουν ψέμα.
τρώνε τη σάρκα μου
και με πετάν σε δρόμους εχθρικούς και άγνωστους,
λιμάνια παρακμιακά
Και τώρα πάλι ελπίζω
σε καινούριες περιπέτειες,
και το πλοίο μου-τ'ορκίζομαι θα φύγει
και ας μην αφήνει ποτέ το λιμάνι.
Σε όσα γλυκά με παρασύρουν
εγω αφήνομαι
Και ίσως κάποτε τα δάκρυά μου
να γεμίσουν τα μάτια τα δικά σου
και η εννοια του φιλιού δεν θα είναι τότε η ίδια
Από το όνειρο δεν θα ξυπνήσω πάλι
και ας πνίγομαι σε μια πικρή αυτοπάτη.
Καίω τα δικά μου σύνορα
τα όρια μου με την πραγματικότητα την εχθρική.
Αψηφά τον εαυτό μου
το συναίσθημα αυτό και αν
το αφήσω λίγο ακόμη ίσως να με μεταλλάξει σε κάτι
πιο όμορφο,
αυτόνομο μέσα στην εξάρτησή του.
Γιατί πάλι η φωνή μου γεμίζει χαράδρες;
και όσα χάνω γιατι πάλι στις γωνίες του μυαλού μου παραμονεύουν;
Ποια σταγόνα να καθαρίσει τις πληγές μου;
Το οινόπνευμα δεν είναι η αφορμή,
μα το αιτιατό.
Ποια πόλη να με χωρέσει τωρα;
το άγγιγμα μικρό κενο και με ποναει.
μα δεν έχει σημασία,
ξέχνα το.
Ξέχνα το,σαν να 'ταν ψέμα.
Οι ελπίδες που με οδήγησαν εδώ
θα με τραβήξουν και μακρυά απο εσένα.
Βρίσκω με έκπληξη πως ο γκρεμός
δείχνει φιλικότερος και από θάνατο.
ενώ πικρη γεύση έχεΙ το φιλί της αλήθειας σου
και να σταματήσω να πίνω,δεν μπορώ.
Βγες από τις σκέψεις μου
δεν σε χωρουν
δεν σε αντέχουν
Ή όταν με δείς άγρια το πάτωμα να φιλάω
την πτώση μου άφησε να σε τρομάξει
Ίσως τότε να είσαι το γλυκότερο,
δηλητηριασμένο μου αίμα.
Καίγομαι μαζί με τισ παραισθήσεις μου
και όταν όλα θολώνουν από τον πόνο και τον καπνό
Τότε το μόνο που μένει είναι ο παλμός που ένα
αλλο,ξένο σωμα μου δίνει.
Γιατί πάλι η κραυγή μου με πνίγει;
Και στο προσώπικο μου χώρο,
ποιος άγνωστος καραμέλες μοιράζει;
Ποίο είδωλο ραγίζει τον καθρέφτη μου;
Ενα άλλο πλάσμα αυτόνομο αναπτύσεται μέσα μου
και αν δεν το δημιουργησα εγώ ποιός το κάνει;
Μέσα στα ρούχα μου το σώμα φαντάζει πιο γυμνό
Και τώρα εσυ μεσα μου επιθυμώ να χαθείς
Μα δνε χρειάζεται,
ξέχνα το.
Ξέχνα το,σαν να 'ταν ψέμα.
Στο μπαλκόνι μου το βράδυ όταν βγώ
αν τα χέρια μου απλώσω
πετάξω και χαθώ
ή αν φωνάξω της καρδιάς μου το μεγαλύτερο ψέγμα,
εσένα, τότε τι;
Μα δεν έχει σημασία,
ξέχνα το.
Ξέχνα με,αν σε πονάω,
σαν να 'μουν ψέμα.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Do mi so do do so mi do..=]
I know.
it's kind of weird listening to music from disney movies.
hm...
huhu
i like it!!!=D
i'm happy today.It's so hot though.Like 43 degrees.I want to go on holidays.BUT i don't want ot leave Athens.DAMN.What's wrong with me?Anyway.Kate's leaving on the 27th,I myself,am leaving on the 30th which is..mm..Monday:S.And we are meeting at her village which is somewhere near Halkidiki on the 17th of July or so.Till then i'm going to stay at my house at Pelion which is cool-having friends there etc but for some wicked reasn i don't want to go all that much.Even though Horto(the village)is like Heaven on Earth.Oh!And i didn't actually post anything about last night.Well the afternoon was SO funny.We went for coffee at bucks with Katerina and laughed so hard that i almost vomited my peach flavoured ice tea(not a pretty sight).We actually scared away almost each and every boy in a distance of fifty m.HahaHAh.Oh i forgot to write about how i soke over the phone with Thanos.Whom i've kind of missed yet still with all the stuff happening everytime..well.. i'm not really sure what i should do.I mean our friendship is fucked up even though he were there during the hardest of times it's just...let's say that some people have the ability to get you irritated almost wiht every single thing they do and then you end up fighting over silly things.Well.It's all too much.
Oh anyway what happened yesterday after meeting with Kate and leaving i'd rather not say but i ended up at home rather early and crying over no special reason.And i guess some people simply have the habbit of letting you down.Period.
Anyway..now it's 02:o2!jeez!And i'm getting sooo sleepy but then again i'm over excited without having any reason to actually be over excited and i can't go to bed.i can't really explain what i feel but it's almost like when you have waited a letter for so long and then one day you open you letter box and it's there!Puff!Magic!Or when you have been dying over eating an ice cream and then suddenly you catch site of an ice cream shop.In both cases it's like you were equally expecting and not expecting the same thing.And when you are not so sure about something and than it's there for you out of the blue.Well it makes you twice as happy.Anyway.Probably has to do with vacations approaching and my being over excited about that.No clue.
Mmm on Thursday i have to go out with Thanos but i also have to meet Kate and Irene, then on Friday emm i have plans as well and then on Saturday i am most probably going to Dada with Hara.Sunday is my last day in Athens so i'm kind of hoping i'll do something worthwhile..
anyway..
now i'm off to..well..not bed but still
i'm going..
smuts to all of you
(tonight i hate you all a little less than i normally would)
a late night advice:listen to the Aristocat hits!!!
they make your day!!
bb for now
Monday, July 23, 2007
Mute.Please.
(painting by vaggelis rinas)An intermezzo.
Silent wishes half trapped in dreams
half in reality.
I'm caught somewhere in between.
Lust is making love to logic
But me,
I'm trapped inside this little box
And in here,
i sometimes get illusions.
There is ants eating me alive
And there are butterflies with wings on fire
There is rain and
millions of people
or sometimes it's just me.
And i'm constatly
painting this little picture
of a man hugging the sun
Does that mean he is dead?
or is he just happy?
Maybe he is both.
Icarus in disguise
And my very own hands are melting under sunlight
Fear not the darkness
but the killing white lights.
Please hide the light
and chase the voices away
There is this strange melody- in my box-
that through the years
i've gotten used to.
I'm not complaing
but i really wish it would stop
just to embrace a momentary silence.
Lips sealed and i'm not going anywhere
even though
my tiny box has a door.
I'm never departing.
Sing a happy tune for the man on the picture
to make him a little more real and a little less alone.
But it mingles with the melody
and there's just ugly sounds
floating everywhere.
Please hide the light
and chase the voices away
"Please.i'm in here somebody help"she screams
It is getting to my nerves
making me own body vibrate
My blood goes flying through my veins
And i sometimes i really do wish i got deaf
on the inside.
There is the sound of me
Banging on the walls
As if to tear them down.
I could really just take off
But i want to destroy everything about it.
This time i'm
bringing the wicked place down.
I keep repeating this to myself from times to times.
But i'm still here.
And if this memory seased i would cry of hapiness
But i am short of tears.
I am short of everything.
Please don't let the voices outlive me.He's calling for help.
I start singing my tune again
Only this time i'm not quiting
And as the ceilings starts to pour rain down on me
I realise that appearence can be so misleading.
as i sing,
the melody gets louder in my head
And i force myself to sing louder than ever.
Just around the edge of my world,
I let out a heart breaking scream
and everything crashes around me.
Then,
Me,
On top of my free world.
Everything,
MUTE.
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