Oh baby i love your way...everyday

"Oh baby i love your way,everyday
i wanna tell you i love your way
i wanna be with you night and day..
baby i love your way."

It's 11:50 my head aches like hell and i'm not in a mood to do anything in perticular.Today i slept from 1:30 to 6 in the afternoon.I don't know what has gotten into me.I'm listening to Trypec and Peter Frampton.Seriously.Something just has gotta be wrong with me.
You know when i woke up at six it was so warm i had to take a bath.The damn moment i stepped in that bathtub i started thinkning of the most unbelievable things.I remembered going to Syros i remembered having a fight with most of my friends i remembered a bounch of assholes i dated.I was like..why did i do that to myself?I mean i'm not like this.And seriously i have no idea how i ended up where i am.Not that there is some problem with where i am it's just ...it's SO not me.I don't know the only moments i get to actually act or feel like myself is when i'm talking to people like Jimmy or Spy.
They say people change when they are not satisfied by the way things are for them.But what exactly did i not like about myself?I mean why do we have to go change both good and bad things about us?Or why will we let our relationship turn us into people who can't watch a movie or a song without crying or who can't move on to someplace new?I just want to feel new and old at the same time.I just want to be me again but in a whole different way.I can't see what else i should do at this point.
It's like when you are letting certain things that happened to you interfear with your very own future.Actions of a man or not all men's actions.Learing to trust people is the only way to let them into you.And i'm not talking just about dating here.Same goes for family,friends etc.I mean hell no you just can't pretend to your family as well.
And i have to admit a few things here.I thought my mom would be happier and healthier if i pretended i was Ok with granps dying.Well i'm not.I'm really sick of trying to remember his voice or the way he smelled.And you know its' not easy spending a whole year at someone's side to make him feel better and then him leaving you.
And that other thing about pretending i was Ok with breaking up and then dating a bouch of assholes well it's not ok.You know people sometimes need to have someone to hold their hand when they are down.And people actually TALK i mean who does that?It's not all about kissing.I mean kissing is the most beautiful thing but there has to be more than that.
Anyway i'm also tired of fake friendships and my pretending i'm fine and happy with participating in useless time consuming conversations which never end up anywhere.And i'm so sick of sicking at an edge of a table saying stupid jokes at leats to ahev a laugh with people who have NOTHING to contribute.
I'm not saying i'm better.But i could have tried to be,had i not followed the desires of other people two years in a row now.
RIGHT NOW i'm not really happy with anything.I'm not happy with people at school.I'm not happy when i go out,i'm just having fun.I'm not having a nice time at home and i'm not even happy spending time with myself.There are just these moments that are so damn precious when i feel like me like new like old like sticking around.There are two or three people who can actually do that.
I guess i'll be holding on to these moments.It's like when you are really down and your best friend knocks on your door and takes you for an ice cream or when you are dancing under the moonlight or when you are standing on the rocks by the sea for hours with someone special observing the sun set in the sea.
It finally comes to me right now.
There are not many different types of love.There is no friendship love or family love or whatever.There is just one.And it's when you actually want to spend time with another person while at the same time don't feel like you are spending time but FREEZING time.When you love there is no such thing as time.And it's also when you can't get enough of what the other person is saying because it sounds (each and every word)so right.But at the same time you want to stay away from that person because you are scared of something filling you in such ways.It's the difference between i love and i'm in love.There is NO i'm in love.I'm in love shouldn't really exist.It's "i like you".I love means i am willing to give everything for another person to be happy.And if his being happy means making myself sad i'm also willing to do that.That's what it's all about.
SO..
Today.And not just for today my song is "Baby I Love Your Way".Because you've got to love someone's way,everyday.Exactly how they are.The importance lies in being yourself and sticking to your own opinion and that of the people who you love and trust.

"i can see the sunset in your eyes
brown and grey and blue besides
clouds are stalking islands in the sun
wish i could buy one out of season
But don't hesitate..."