too young to die

Well..tonight at 6am i'm leaving..:(
i thought i really wanted to go but i don't.I find out now,a little "too late" a little "too early" that i've been wrong about many things.It's just like when you are expecting to drink a glass and then the taste amazes you in such way that you just have to drink one more.It's like when it's snowing for three days in a row and you think to yourself"God when will it stop?"and then when it begins to melt you actually wish it would snow some more.It's not that you want it to snow to skip school or to have an excuse to eat more chocolate.You just want it to snow because you love the way the snow feels when it's melting on your tongue or the way it makes your fingers go numb and makes you giggle and dance like you are in a fairytale.
You realise that the snow is not enough because when it melts you are not really sad but just a little miserable.It's like there is this little void inside your heart somewhere,everytime you look out the window only to find the sun staring at you and not the coolest view of white streets.
That is where Kate had it wrong.It's not about wanting sun and then snow and then sun all over again.Sometimes it's about wanting a little more snow than you can have.And when you can't have it,instead of going out for a walk in the sun,admiting you don't like to walk i the sun and staying inside to read about snowing places.
Well i know you are not actually following here.
Anyway tomorrow i'm heading off to Pelio.
I don't want to go as much as i thought i'd be wanting to go.i don't know.honestly
Now then ..a very dear friend of mine made me answer the following question:If you had to pick five songs in the right order to form your autobiography to be played at your funeral which would they be?
So i've been thinking a lot about it and they are the following:
i)Killer queen-Queen
ii)Alana Grace-black roses red
iii)Vienna-Billy Joel
iv)Love of my life-Queen
v)too old to rock n roll too young to die-Jethro Tull
IN THIS EXACT ORDER.
So when i come to think of it.It's all about Queen.I mean i've been listening to these guys ever since i was 6 years old in the car with my mom.They have been her favourite band forever.I remember singing in perfect tune "You are my best friend"before i even got to know any greek music at all.But the song that plays a major role in my life has been one which controls me in a most inevitable way.I first sung it in the car going back from my ballet classes a day that my mom was really down about something.It was her favourite song in the world.It had taken that title when her best friend Dimitris had disappeared.It affected her in a way i'll never really get to know.So there i was seven or eight or so sitting in the car and singing it to cheer her up.It's like those little mother and daughter things like a special handshake or cooking.For several years after that i sung it with my mom.And then i sung it with my best friend who ended up loving it.And then a few days ago there it was again for me.And you might not really get how big a role a simple song may play in someone's life.But for me that song was about learning to love singing ,my friends,my family,GOOD music.It's called love of my life.Sung in the most heart-breaking way by Freddie Mercury of Queen.
Anyway i don't know why i'm writting so much about a song.It's silly.
Maybe i wouldn't even play in my funeral anything but love of my life.
Well maybe too young to die as well
You are NEVER TOO OLD TO LIVE.NEVER EVER.
There are like so many things a single person can do in his life to make others happy as well as himself that the idea of commiting suicide sounds as selfish as stupid.
When you are down play a happy tune
or when you can't go to bed sing yourself to sleep
Or even when people bring you down teel them,let them know
It's not in surviving as long as we can
But living it to our very edges.
Even Over the edge.
I don't really know what's gotten into me.
It's like Thanulis and i once said"It's like this huge mathematical problem.You have so many facts but you are just not gettng anywhere.But if you really want to reach an end you just have to keep summing and stuff until the very end.This way you can convince yourself there is a solution.And if you do so,you are a happy mathematician.If you don't you are just some guy covering for another.A better one.Unless you keep solving you are just a substitute"I know some people besides Thanos and me who will actually get this.
Outlive yourself
Don't let anything other than you,outlive you.
everyone's Too young to die.

Bye now guys,
I''m leaving for Pelio in a few hours.
Wish you well.
(Miss me f###s:P)


ps.this blog is turning into something more like a diary.damn.
ps2.if the half of greece is not already burned to the ground before the time i'm back i shall be called Asterw instead of natalie
ps3.same applies in the case of which jimmy has not been called another 234 times that he resembles Kurt Cobain:P